My ex-boyfriend of 5 almost 6 years is having surgery today.  I am there for him.  People have said to me that is a very big thing of me to do.  I suppose perhaps it is. But just because I’m not with him anymore does not mean I don’t love him anymore.  Is it expressed in the same way as it was before? Absolutely not.  Do I think that by being by his side I’m saying to him I’ll always be by his side? The truth is I will be.  Not to the capacity I was there for him before.  I won’t make sacrifices in my life to be there for him.  I won’t stop myself from getting the Love I NEED in my life from someone else if that someone else steps into my life.  But I know this…his worth as a human being has not changed to me for one second. Not through any of the pain he brought to me, nor the tears I’ve cried over him.  We as humans all do things that we probably should not have done and in the end we always deal with the consequences of those decisions on our own.  I want him to know he is loved even when he may not be making the choices that would be the strongest for him. Just because I won’t be his wife or be having his children does not mean that I don’t want the best for him.  I think that is what LOVE is about. LOVE is not black and white. Right or Wrong.  LOVE IS.  I can’t help but know in my heart that since I can be there for him, I should be.  That I am here for his mother as she sits waiting for the news that her son is going to be ok.  LOVE calls us to go above the things that make us feel comfortable. LOVE asks us to set our pride aside and take care of each other’s hearts.  We are fragile. Life is fragile.  Sometimes by Loving Someone else you show yourself the capacity to which you can love yourself! When I find myself sick and needing love I hope anyone who I’ve shared my heart with at any moment sends me a prayer or thought filled with light and joy. Because I will need it.  That’s all this life is about. I don’t care how cheesy or hopelessly romantic it sounds.  LOVE is truly all we need.  I will not leave this earth wondering if I gave all the love I had to give.  I will live this life , loving as fiercely and wildly as I can.  

Random thoughts that have come to me today….

I’m beginning to see that the love of my life lives within me.

Some days my heart rejoices and mourns all at the same time. How grateful I am to be alive.